Member-only story
When looking back at your teen years, many of you would say that you wouldn’t want to repeat them, or that you were relieved when you moved on to college or a job. Understandably, you want to protect your children from that turmoil, and from what feels like a dangerous world. But they don’t talk to you, and don’t listen to you, and you worry even more.
* How can I insure that they make good choices?
* What about homework and test scores and getting into a good college?
* Other kids can be cruel and I don’t want her to go through that.
* I’d really like to lock him up so he can’t be tempted by drugs and alcohol.
Your kids are struggling to understand and deal with new and complicated emotions. It’s exactly when they can’t cope with difficult feelings that they get stuck, and maybe make those poor choices. So how do you help them through it without them shutting you out?
The authors of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen (Faber & Mazlish) say, “Children let go of negative feelings when they are heard. Once they let go of negative feelings, they can think constructively. When you allow kids to keep talking, they come up with their own, often workable solutions.”
