Angel on the outside, demon at home: Why does your child treat you badly?

“Michael is so cooperative in class.” “Jenna is one of the most helpful and respectful teens who spends time at our house.” You scratch your head. Wait. Are they really talking about your child? The same child who is moody, easily annoyed, or downright rude to you?

It’s a common phenomenon that kids behave well for others and then it falls apart at home. Angel on the outside, demon at home. The saying is true — you always hurt the ones you love. (You’d think it would be the opposite, that love brings out our best. Alas, it’s often not the case.)

Think of it this way: children of all ages (and adults, too!) hold it together all day, at school, camp, lessons, a job, with friends and other family. The outside world has its own set of rules and expectations. It’s also full of unknowns and natural consequences. The people ‘out there’ are not as loving and nurturing. They will not make excuses for your child and smooth the way. There can be an element of fear, and so, for the most part, children are on their best behavior.

Then they come home and all hell breaks loose.

Home is the safe place, parents the safe people. They can let it all out because mom and dad, while they may get angry, will not reject or abandon them. If they’re nasty to their…