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How to give a compliment that your teen believes, and will build his self-esteem
“Of course you’re good-looking.” “You’re the best friend ever.” “Who wouldn’t want you on their team?” Is there a parent out there (including me) who hasn’t praised a child in order to make him or her feel better? Sometimes it’s true, and sometimes we say it because we just can’t stand to see them hurt. Our kids usually know the difference. We miss the mark and they tell us so.
This kind of well-intentioned compliment doesn’t work. It’s easier to understand when you relate it to yourself.
How well do you receive a compliment? Are you able to say thank you, take it in and bask in the praise? Or do you feel uncomfortable, rejecting it and the person who complimented you? If you’ve ever done the latter, it shouldn’t be surprising that your kids do this, too. After all, most of what they learn about life and relationships they learn from you, their parents. There really is a way to pay a compliment that leaves everyone feeling great about it.
Your kids are your babies, your pride and joy, and you want them to feel confident and recognize their positive qualities. So why is it that they squirm, deny, and reject you and your positive words? How can you help them recognize and accept their wonderful character traits?
